Double Denim Dare

Let me begin with a vivid memory I have of Junior High School- the lunch room at school had large containers of ketchup, fry-sauce, and ranch dressing. They were placed right at the end of the lunch line, free for all to take at their leisure. Along with myself, this was the first time many kids had found themselves with unlimited access to such delicious condiments. I remember vividly the excessive amounts of sauce some people would put on their lunch trays. I myself, I'm sad to say, abused this trust of freedom from time to time. It was the classic story of having too much of a good thing

I have felt this an appropriate story to introduce my topic at hand. We've all been guilty at one time or another, of having, using, or abusing too much of a good thing. I am speaking of things that in moderation are completely socially acceptable, and even smiled upon. But, when overindulged, these things become an absolute disgrace to humanity. And at the pinnacle of abusing too much of a good thing, we find that one of our most common items of apparel has fallen victim to careless overindulgence. What is it you ask? It is our close friend and colleague, denim. In the past denim has been taken advantage of more than any other fabric in our nation.When the percentage of one's outfit has a denim percentage of over 65% at any one given time, that person is out rightly abusing his or her denim privileges. And this "denimoniam", as I like to call it, is becoming an epidemic. Geographically, this trend has itself deeply rooted in the suburbs of most western states, and is starting to creep its way eastward. Demographically, we have found the major abusers of denim tend to be women over the age of 43 and a half that have at least six cats, and are avid supporters of Dr. Phil. In too many cases we see people shamelessly walking our streets in complete denim outfits. And it's high time we did something about it.

History has repeatedly taught us that the best way to solve any problem is through a civil game of paper, rock, scissors. I propose a dare to any and all readers of this article. I double denim dare you the next time you find yourself in the midst of a denim abuser, to challenge them to a game of paper, rock scissors. You must then require of them, if you win, to never wear that much denim again. Note: Research has shown that by reason of statistical probability, any and all players of paper, rock, scissors, will win at least 37.8% of the games they play. With those odds we should be able to eradicate the denim epidemic by April of 2028. Just in time for the 20th anniversary of this article's posting.


You've heard it said, "Shame is ashamed of shame." So, now is the time to ask yourself, "Am I going to be part of the denim problem (like these two guys here), or am I going be a part of the denim solution?"

A wise man once said, "Although responsibility may be ashamed of us, we are never ashamed of responsibility." So... what's it gonna be troops? Let's take responsibility of our denim once and for all!...Go get 'um tiger!